Metaverse Deathmatch!
Phase One

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Oct 03, 1999

I got an interesting idea for a fun fic the other day watching MTV's "Stone Cold Whoopass Animation Weekend," which featured a marathon of the claymation show "Celebrity Deathmatch."

Here's the idea: ReBoot vs. RPM. At first, I thought I could use just my characters, but this might be more fun if we got other characters involved. Below, I have what I was originally planning. Feel free to send suggestions.

The first match I pictured as Megabyte vs. Lean Il Lupe.

The second was Bob vs. DaVinci.

The main event was Matrix and Dot vs. Zilch and Niente.

Now, obviously, there's lots of ReBoot characters to choose from (AndrAIa vs. Cail? Mouse vs. Miyaera?) and plenty of RPM characters. This could be truly hilarious if it's done right. Furthermore, some of the funniest parts I think are when we see who's in the audience. The authors could be special guest referees or commentators. (Jay comments with Johnny Gomez and Nick Diamond. DK gives Alpha Group a pep talk?)

This could be funny as hell.

--Jay Winger--

"I ain't the mechanic here, Ironsides! I mostly just hurt people!"
--Johner, "Alien Resurrection"

From: "Dark^ Knight" <>
Date: Oct 04, 1999

Actually, I was planning to do my own sort of multi-author fics. One's a Round Robin, and the other's a tournament style thing.

The tournament is easy enough to explain. Stellar Sports organises a tournament called The Best Of The Net, which is basically people fighting it out for a 1,000,000 credit prize. And the recognition. Immunity from the law is provided, so fugitives like Lean Il Lupe can join in.

The Round Robin is more open. Maybe it's a normal Round Robin, with each of us taking turns to write a normal plot. Maybe the plot goes that one of us (the authors) gets into the RPM universe, and the others follow. Maybe it's even the RPM characters themselves writing a fic. I dunno...

The problem is, a) there aren't enough characters/authors, b) Cat's way too busy to coordinate it, and c) all of us write at way differing speeds.

Ah, well. We'll get to that when we can. In the meantime, keep writing.

D^Knight: Okay, now you two'll go in from the left, and you'll... Nick what in the NET is that?
Nick : It's a modified blaster. [Presses trigger, blows up the stadium.]
D^Knight: Um... okay.


"Where the heck am I now?" -Hibiki Ryouga, Ranma 1/2

++ The Dark Knight ++

From: "Sai Kennedy" <>
Date: Oct 04, 1999

Please forgive me, for I know not what I do.
This was just a quickie, so don't tear me up about how BADLY it's written. I really don't know why I did it, but I'm mental, so...just don't hurt me.
[we jump right into the middle of all the maiming, as I suck at plot devices and plots period]

Cail leaped foreword, delivering a sharp right-fisted punch to Mouse's face, a sharp cracking sound being heard.
"Give it to 'er, Cail! Give 'er what she's got coming to 'er! DIE MOUSE!" cried WeB ViRuS from the edge of the stadium.
Cail turned to her, Mouse spitting out a tooth a few feet behind her. "Listen, for the last time, will you *please* shut u-" knocked to the ground as Mouse decided to fight dirty and kick her in the back when she wasn't looking.
WeB turned red. "Oops... Hehe. I guess I'm more of a hindrance than help."
Both girls turned towards the half-virus in the middle of their strangling of each other. "YES!"
Flipping Mouse over her head and behind her, Cail knocked her down yet again with a right. She turned towards WeB, not looking at all happy. "Besides, *you* can't be my coach! You didn't even write me!"
Mouse, hand cupped over an eye, the other hand covering her mouth as a spot of blood dribbled out as she spoke said, "Yeah, vahrus! Y'all ain't even a wrahter!"
After finding out the accent-translation for "wrahter", and at this bit of factual information, ViRuS frowned. The two were right; she shouldn't be here. Perhaps she should go off and attempt to bring some sort of new character into the Metaverse, some shred of evidence that she could actually contribute to the Metaverse.
Deciding that this was for the best, WeB looked skyward towards the ceiling of the gym. "Silver, if you can hear me, Cail needs you." Then she gave this a moment's extra bit of thought. "Well...actually, she's doing a fine job of kicking Mouse's ascii all by herself, but she wouldn't mind a little spurring on, ne?"
Smiling wickedly and turning towards the exit, WeB hung up her whistle on the edge of the door frame and departed, leaving Mouse to her deliciously untimely demise.

From: Sylvia <>
Date: Oct 05, 1999

This is really quick, since I'm not supposed to be on the homne 'puter and mom's coming back at any moment. But that was cute Sai.

Too bad Cail proly doesn't have the muscle tone to do that. ^_^

Announcer: And in this corner...Hacker for hire, expert swordswoman, and a tough fighter in even tougher suituations-Mouse!


Announcer: And in this corner, just starting out and having a severe crisis over any hacking abilities, still finishung High School, Cail Weatherson!


Cail: ...this is a joke, right?
Mouse: (Looking at her opponent) Uh-nothin' personal.
Cail: Someone? Please? Tell me it's a joke.
Mouse: Wait-yew should be fightin' someone from yer own Metaverse hon.
Cail: Oh yeah...
Announcer: Well then. How about one of the viruses from-
Cail: NO!



From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Oct 06, 1999

Sai, Sylvia, I thought that was rather good. That's the sort of thing I have in mind for the "Metaverse Deathmatch" thing. Here's a snippet from my Megabyte-Lean Il Lupe fight. (Yours truly is commentating with Johnny Gomez and Nick Diamond.)


Johnny Gomez: I've been told that Lean isn't in the arena!
Nick Diamond: Could Lean be chickening out, Jay?
Jay Winger: Of course not! He's the Wolf! Not the Chicken!

(Megabyte looks around at the audience [a great deal of which is made up of binomes from Mainframe] with his back to Mills Lane. Unseen by Megabyte, Lane starts to distort in shape and morphs into none other than Lean Il Lupe!)

Lean: (hefting his cane) Hey, Megabyte, don't turn around!
Megabyte: What? (he turns to get a faceful of cane, leaving a large dent in his face)
Nick: Oh, my God!
Johnny: Lean Il Lupe was masquerading as our referee, Mills Lane!
Jay: If there's one thing about Lean, he loves to make an entrance!
Johnny: And here comes the REAL Mills Lane. He doesn't look happy.

(Lane climbs into the ring and separates the two viruses. He glares at Lean.)

Lane: I have a good mind to disqualify you, Lupe!
Lean: *IL* Lupe.
Lane: I don't give a rat's ass what you call yourself! You imitate me again and I'll throw you out!

(He turns to Megabyte. As his back is turned, Lean morphs his head to Lane's and mocks him behind his back. Lane looks at him, but Lean reverts to normal. He turns back, and Lean goes back to mocking him. Lane turns and glares at Lean, who goes back to normal, then turns to Megabyte.)

Lane: Megabyte, can you continue?

(Megabyte reaches a hand into the dent in his face and pulls it straight. He shakes his head once, then nods.)

Megabyte: Indeed.
Johnny G: In the red corner, direct from Mainframe's Silicon Tor, widely considered one of the most evil viruses ever to grace a server, Megabyte!

(Audience boos as Megabyte waves grandly. He leers at the audience.)

Johnny G: And in the blue corner, all the way from the Negacrag in Omega-Cragis, it's the Wolf, Lean Il Lupe!

(Lean raises his cane in the air, and the audience cheers. The two viruses approach the center, where Lane stands.)

Lane: All right, you both know the rules. No hitting below the belt, obey my commands at all times, and no touching of one another's buttocks! (Lean and Megabyte look at their rears briefly.) I want a good clean fight! Let's get it on!

(The fight bell rings and the two viruses leap at each other.)


Just an idea. I've toyed with the idea of having a different virus-virus fight, Hexadecimal vs. Elogin (a virus I introduce at the end of "Arlington Road Syndrome"), but I think I'll just put them in the audience or something. Maybe Hex (known for throwing energy around) flirts with Lean or something...hmmm.

--Jay Winger--

From: Sylvia <>
Date: Oct 08, 1999

Jay: You've only forgotten 1 thing in your deathmatch. :)

> =
> Johnny G: In the red corner, direct from Mainframe's Silicon Tor, widely
> considered one of the most evil viruses ever to grace a server, Megabyte!
> (Audience boos as Megabyte waves grandly. He leers at the audience.)

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! YAY! GO MEGABYTE!" The figure in the MB t-shirt cheered and took a long drink from her pop. "This is so embarassing..." Cail muttered, hands covering her face, hunched over in her seat and trying not to be noticed.
"Hey, come on. Have some fun." Her creator nudged her in the ribs and offered Cail some fries. She declined.
"You do this *every* time..."

Sorry. Couldn't resist. ^_^


From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Oct 08, 1999

>Jay: You've only forgotten 1 thing in your deathmatch. :)

(takes out scissors and hacks something off)

>"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! YAY! GO MEGABYTE!" The figure in the MB t-shirt cheered and took a long drink from her pop."This is so embarassing..." Cail >muttered, hands covering her face, hunched over in her seat and trying not to be noticed. >"Hey, come on. Have some fun." Her creator nudged her in the ribs >and offered Cail some fries. She declined.
>"You do this *every* time..."

On the contrary, I was well aware of the obvious favoritism from Silv's corner. ;) But you needed to look at the thing preceding that, namely that a large portion of the audience was made up of Mainframe's binomes, who generally feared and hated MB. Later in the match, I was planning to have Hexadecimal show up.


Lean raises his cane and fires a lightning bolt that sends Megabyte flying across the ring. Cut to Hexadecimal in the stands, watching with a neutral mask on.

Hex: (shifts to happy mask) Ooh, good form!

Lean looks over and smiles. He sidles over to the ropes and leans against them.

Lean: Hello, there, beautiful. That's a lovely mask you have there.
Hex: (flattered mask) Oh, go on.
Lean: What say we go back to my place after I finish your brother off?

Before Hex can reply, Megabyte grabs Lean in a headlock and pounds him a few times before throwing him into the center of the ring.

Nick D: Oh, my, goodness! That had to hurt.
Jay: (shaking head) I've told Lean not to flirt with any she-viruses during the match.


(wicked grin) Just a little something. Hehehe.

--Jay Winger--

From: "Dark^ Knight" <>
Date: Oct 14, 1999

>From the Celebrity Deathmatch, RPM style:

D^Knight: So you see, I deliberately failed to characterise you adequately, so that when you get into the ring to fight, you'll fade into the background so well that the opponent will have trouble seeing you until it's too late.

Kathy : You're just making excuses, aren't you?

D^Knight: Basically, yes.

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Oct 14, 1999

>From Metaverse Deathmatch:

(The locker room, Jay speaks with the Aughts.)

Jay: All right, now if you lose this fight, I might just sever all contact with you.

Niente: And this means what to me?

Jay: Death.

Niente: Ha! You and what army?

Jay: Well, considering the fact that I created you, and I can easily write a fic where you die...

Zilch: Put in those terms, we'll fight, hey?

From: CyberCat <>
Date: Oct 17, 1999

- The deathmatch: Yes, I've been following it, and I love it. Unfortunately, I don't really think I should take part myself. Why?  Because, given my writing style, Miyaera would make one bold, decisive opening move, then spend 3 hours contemplating what to do next, getting beaten to a pulp in the meantime. :P

From: "Dark^ Knight" <>
Date: Nov 17, 1999

D^Knight: So, you got that?
Ril : But I don't want to fight.
D^Knight: You have to. It's a contest.
Ril : But I don't want to fight.
D^Knight: The entire point of this is to fight!
Ril : But I don't want to fight.
D^Knight: ...

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Nov 17, 1999

==For Metaverse Deathmatch==

Don King: Turn that camera this way! Pay attention to me! I am the lord of media attention!

(He goes on in a very annoying fashion. Zilch, Niente, Dot, and Matrix all stop and look toward him. They share a glance, then nod. Zilch and Niente pull out their pistols, Matrix his Gun, and Dot one of her "does-this-make-me-look-too-butch?" cannons.  They aim directly at Don King.)

Don King: Whoa! Now hold on a minute! You can't do that!
D^Knight: Wrong. I think they are.

(The other spectators run for cover as the combatants open fire. When the smoke clears, all that is left of Don King is a smoking crater and a severed head.)

Johnny: That ought to teach him.
Nick D: Right! Nobody's allowed to hog the camera except us!
Don King: This is outrageous! I demand a large monetary compensation!

(Matrix hops out of the ring and picks up Don King's head. He whistles. Frisket's head pops up.)

Matrix: Here, boy! (He tosses Don King's head to Frisket.)
Don King: Hey!
Frisket: Woof! Growl! (The dog descends on the head.)

From: "Dark^ Knight" <>
Date: Nov 18, 1999

Kathy : I am not going in there. Not not not.
D^Knight: But it's such an easy fight!
Kathy : I said no!
D^Knight: You'll win for sure!
Kathy : No! Anyhow, I'll lose.
D^Knight: How can you lose against NIBBLES?!
Nibbles : [looks boredly at Kathy.]
Kathy : He freaks me out.
D^Knight: ...

From: "Dark^ Knight" <>
Date: Nov 19, 1999

Kavi : What in the Net are you?
Scuzzy: ...
Kavi : A... whatnot? A thingie?
Scuzzy: ...
Kavi : This is ridiculous, I can't fight something like this...
[Scuzzy suddenly bounces up and bops him on the head.]
Kavi : What the-?!
[Scuzzy rams Kavi a few times.]
Scuzzy: ...
[Intense whatnot abuse follows.]

From: "Dark^ Knight" <>
Date: Nov 19, 1999

Nick : Now what's this?
Feathers: *blink*
Nick : A penguin... so let's see, some heat would be in order...
Feathers: *blinkblink*
Nick : Get THIS! Pi, flamethrower!
Feathers: *sweatdrop*
[Much heat and chaos ensues.]

From: "Al's Waiter" <>
Date: Nov 20, 1999

Roflmbo!!!! DK, I love your deathmatches. :) They're halariours!

*sniff* I currently don't have any *known* Metaverse characters to put up against the ReBoot characters (soon....soon I will...) and I'm feeling a bit left out soooo...forgive me.

Announcer: In the red courner, weighing 246 pounds, expert in game hopping, virus deleting, random object shooting, and not a people person...Matrix!

(a chours of boos murged with cheers and whistles)

Announcer: And in the blue courner, weighing 80 pounds, hyperactive, notstop chatter box, loves to go into games, get in trouble with Megabyte and is usually tied up with homework....Enzo!

(a chours of boos murged with cheers and whistles)

(both walk up to each other in the center of the ring. Matrix has to bend down to get face to face with Enzo)

Enzo: Ugly.
Matrix: Basic.
Enzo: Failure.
Matrix: Looser.
Enzo: ...uh...your mother's a null!
Matrix: In that case, so is yours!

(In the audience, Bob is eargerly eating popcorn, not paying attention to the match. AndrAIa and Dot are both shaking their heads at the Enzo confrintaion.)

AndrAIa: I just wish Enzo could get along with himself.
Dot: He used to play nice with all the other sprite kids...

(AW coming down the ailse)

AW: Peanuts! Coke-a-Cola! Popcorn!

(Bob puts up his hand)

Bob: Popcorn here!


From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Nov 20, 1999

Hilarious! I shoulda thought of that! The Meeting of the Enzos...

Here's a thought:

Johnny Gomez: In the red corner, a silver-skinned search engine who hates vomit, MAXINE!

(Maxine waves, a mop slung over one shoulder.)

Johnny Gomez: In the blue corner, the wetsuited Australian web surfer, RAY TRACER!

(Ray waves, Surfboard under one arm.)

Mills Lane: All right, now, no hiding in methods of transportation, no unnecessary puking. Let's get it on!

(The two search engines confront each other.)

Maxine: Screw your 'next generation' crap. I'm gonna delete you!

(She swings her mop, bopping Ray in the head several times. He grins.)

Ray: Ya know, lady, that's not very good form.

(He kicks her across the ring. Ray hops on Surfboard and floats above the ring, out of Maxine's reach.)

Maxine: No fair! Come down and fight like a sprite!
Ray: All right.

(He turns Surfboard upside down and stands off it, then punches her in the face several times before she knocks him off with her mop.)

Maxine: Ha! Now I've got you!
Nick Diamond: It looks like Maxine is going to show Ray what Mills Lane means by 'good clean fight,' Johnny.
Johnny Gomez: Wait, Nick, look at Ray's surfboard!

(Surfboard turns around and hits Maxine in the back of the head several times before swinging and knocking her into the corner. Ray gets up and chuckles. He jumps on her and starts hitting her in the face.)

(Maxine throws him off and whacks him across the face with the mop before Surfboard plows into her. Sprite blood splatters. She recovers and bops Surfboard with the mop. Ray grunts and falls to one knee.)

Johnny Gomez: It looks like Maxine found Ray's weak spot, Nick.
Nick Diamond: Ray's got his heart and soul in that board, Johnny. Literally.
Maxine: Hey, Surfr, you're about to get wiped out!

(She smashes Surfboard once, twice, three times with her mop before kicking it away. Ray shouts with the pain before toppling over. Maxine paces over to Surfboard and corners it.)

Maxine: I've got you now, you stupid piece of plastic!

(Surfboard quivers, then flies at Maxine, knocking her down.)



From: Sylvia <>
Date: Nov 21, 1999

God these look so fun...

Announcer: Here in the left corner weighing in at roughly 135 pounds, two foot long tail and in a scruffy brown trenchcoat, everyone welcome-PETER!

(The crowd's response is polite. Peter comes out, cigarette dangling from his lips. As he walks by Susan taps him on the shoulder and points to the non smoking sign. Peter sighs and throws the butt out.)

Peter: So...who'm I gonna fight today? (Snickers) Nibbles or Scuzzy?
Ref: Neither actually.
Peter: Come on. (Cracks his knuckles) I get a really wussy match right? These things are one sided! Wait lemme guess-heh. I fight the Bob teddy!
Ref: Actually we have a gueststar today.
Peter: Huh. Like who?
Voice: Your ass is *mine*, weasel boy.
Peter: (Turning around) I'm a FOX anthro pal, NOT a-oh Lordie.
Stone Cold Austin: (Idly slapping one fist into an open palm) See you in the ring. (Walks off)
Peter: Oh f-
Cail: (Wandering over) So...who're you fighting?
Peter: (Hadning her an icon) Here.
Cail: What's going on?
Peter: When I die, you can have my stuff.
Cail: Oh.
(Walks away)
Cail: (Staring) Oh dear.
Lupe: (Nudging her) So...I should bet for the other contestant then?
Cail: Pretty much.

These ARE fun. :D

From: "Dark^ Knight" <>
Date: Nov 22, 1999

Susan : So who's my next oppone-
[Extremely loud roar.]
Susan : Uh oh.
Nick : That looks uncannily like one of the legendary monsters.
Nar : I think it's called... erm... what's the name...
D^Knight : Nullzilla.
Nullzilla: *flex*
Susan : [muttering] One easy fight, that's all I ask for, just ONE easy fight...

From: "Sai Kennedy" <>
Date: Nov 21, 1999

Why the heck not? I've got time to kill... Please forgive me for this pointless piece of frock...or whatever that stuff underneith
the refrigerator is that your broom just can't seem to reach.


"Here We Go"

Fear in her eyes, Corel looks up at the looming Cyber Cat before looking over at her creator. "You're kidding me, right?"
WeB ViRuS becomes mildly irritated with her creation. "Damnit, this is your moment! If I'm to make you a famous character, you've gotta be willing to take a swing! Be tough!"
"I...really don't think that's what it takes to gain popularity..." She looks up at the tall, white Khatran once more before taking a step back.
Miyaera looks away in disgust. "Hey, I could take you on, but I have something against hitting a little Sprite, let alone a hearing-impared kid."
WeB takes a step back from the battle circle. "Oh here we go. Now you've done it; you've hit a soft spot."
"Eh?" Miyaera looks down at the frail, silver-skinned Sprite and cocks an eyebrow.
"And I suppose that I'm any less a fighter, huh? C'mon, Khatran! Let's see what you're made of!"
"Now wait a secon-"
Both fall to the ground in a scuffle and a scratch, either trying to best the other.
WeB just stands at the edge cheering on the violence. "Yeah! C'mon, Corel! Kick her tail! Pull'er whiskers! Poke her in the eye! BOTH eyes even! And..." She then suddenly realises that both are no longer fighting. In fact they're now shaking hands!
Corel pokes at a scratch on her face. "Hey, you know, this really isn't a battle between you and me. And fighting really isn't part of my character. I think we were just written into doing this by the evil author witchery..."
"Yes. Sorry 'bout the scratch. I suppose I should have just held you back instead of going along with it."
"I just get steamed sometimes I suppose, especially when my writer does a quick-fic this early in the morning." She then grins up at Miyaera. "Hey, you're ok."
"Same to you...Cori, was it?"
"Corel. I-" Unfortunately she's then interupted by WeB jumping between her and the Khatran.
"Hey, in this quicky you two are supposed to duke it out! Now get fighting! We've got to keep up the action factor in this thing!  What, you think the plot's gonna keep it going? Get back to work."
Miyaera gets a sly, sinister glint in her eye and leans down to whisper something into Corel's ear. Both turn their heads to grin evilly at WeB ViRuS who in turn takes a giant step back.
" just a minute you two..."
"Wanna keep up the action factor, huh?" Corel is now grinning quite widely.
"We know how to do that, don't we Corel?" Cyber Cat's happy growly is just barely audible as she too advances on the hapless author.
"Sure we do, Kitty Lady. Suuuure we do."

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Nov 22, 1999

Quinn: This isn't fair! I'm a paraplegic, you bastrich!
Jay: Oh, come on, this should be easy!
Quinn: It's not very sporting.
Jay: And going up against Lean Il Lupe was?
Quinn: But...he's old.
Jay: Never underestimate your elders.
Phong: Wise words, my son. But I look forward to kicking his ASCII!
Quinn: ...
David: (aside to Niente) My money's on Phong.
Niente: (thwacks David)

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Dec 12, 1999

Tomasi: Hey, Jay, who're we fightin'?
Rollo: Yeah, c'mon, give.
Jay: Uh...
Tomasi: No stalling!
Rollo: Yeah, no stalling!
Jay: ...
Tomasi: Speak up!
Rollo: Yeah!
Hack: I feel very uncomfortable about this.
Slash: Yeah, very uncomfortable.
(R&T and H&S stare at each other and then R&T look at Jay.)
Tomasi: I think I see where you got your inspiration for us.
Jay: It took you *THAT LONG* to figure this out?

From: "Dark^ Knight" <>
Date: Nov 22, 1999

Kathy : So who's the next fighter?
[Nick points to a large figure already in the ring.]
Kathy : Gigabyte? How about our team?
[Nick points to a figure just stepping into the ring, looking a lot like...]
D^Knight: Ittai koko-wa, doko nanda?!
Kathy : ... Uh oh.

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Dec 13, 1999

DaVinci: I think I should mention I have a small bit of hero worship here.
Jay: Don't let that interfere with the fight.
DaVinci: But I can't beat him!
Jay: Sure you can! You've faced up to viruses tougher than him!
DaVinci: Yeah, but...he's *BOB*!
Jay: He's also a few centuries before your time...and your technology.
(Jay holds out a massive blaster. DaVinci slowly grins.)
DaVinci: Yeah. Yeeah...

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Dec 16, 1999

Naught: ...
Al's Waiter: (the binome, not the writer) ...
Naught: ...
Al's Waiter: ...
Nada: Long fight?
Jay: Probably.
Naught: Well, I suppose I'd better get started.
(Naught thwacks Al's Waiter across the ring.)
Al's Waiter: Hey, Al, wanna give me a hand here?
Al: WHAT?!

From: "Dark^ Knight" <>
Date: Dec 18, 1999

Kathy : What's he doing now?
Nick : He's... dodging the attacks. He's actually dodging the attacks!
Susan : It looks like our author isn't so bad after all...
Peter : But dodging isn't everything. He's bound to get tired after a while.
Kavi : Hey, Knight! Start hitting back!
D^Knight: [from the ring, ducking Gigabyte's left hook] What?
Crysta : Hit Gigabyte! Hurt him!
D^Knight: Okay. [shouting] You stink!
[The assorted characters blink.]
D^Knight: [still shouting] You're clumsy! You look like a banana!
Kavi : No, no, not hurt his feelings... ah, what's the use.
D^Knight: [continuing] Your mother smelled of elderberries! Your father was a hamster! I sneeze in your general direction! WACHOO!!
Susan : ... He's dead.
Kathy : [covering her eyes] Tell me when it's over.
Nick : You might need to cover your ears too.
D^Knight: You hear me? WACHOO!! WACHOO!! Your ears look like frying pans! WACHOO!!

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Dec 18, 1999

Jay: So I suppose it's my turn now.
DaVinci: Pretty much.
Jay: Right. So. Who do I go up against?
DaVinci: That.
(Jay turns to see a big, massive Web Creature. It roars.)
Jay: Oh...dear.
DaVinci: Got your will written up?
Jay: Yeah. Can I borrow your gun?
DaVinci: Think it'll work?
Jay: Probably not.

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Dec 18, 1999

Jay: vs. a Web Creature. No problem.
Jay: Gaah! Mommy! (flees in terror)
DaVinci: (sigh) And that's our creator.
Quinn: (shakes head) What a disgrace.

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Dec 28, 1999

(Zilch returns from the restroom.)
Zilch: What'd I miss, hey?
Quinn: Our Fearless Creator has wet his pants.
Jay: (from ring) I did not!
DaVinci: He's currently planning to run with his tail between his legs.
Jay: (from ring) I heard that!
(Cut to the ring, where we see that the big Web Creature has Jay hiding behind one of the turnbuckles. Jay holds a ten-foot pole in one hand,
prodding the Web Creature, keeping it at bay.)
Web Creature: ROOOOAR!
Jay: Aw, ROAR yourself. (pokes WC) Bad Web Spore, bad bad Web Spore!
Web Creature: (chomps on pole and eats it) ROOOOAR!
Jay: Whoa! That isn't good!
Web Creature: ROOOOAR!
Jay: Gaah! Run away! Run away!
(Back to the stands.)
Lean: (sighs) How humiliating.

From: "Dark^ Knight" <>
Date: Dec 28, 1999

Kavi: Hit him, dammit! HURT HIM!
D^Knight: Huh?
D^Knight: Oh, right. [rushes at Gigabyte, and socks him one.]
[There is a moment of utter silence and stillness.]
D^Knight: [jumps back] Owie! My hand!
[Gigabyte, who is totally unscathed, looms over D^Knight.]
D^Knight: Um... sorry?
Nick: Ho boy.

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Dec 29, 1999

Naught: Come on, Jay! Fight it!
Jay: (from ring) I'm not fighting it! It's the size of a @#%$ing house!
Zilch: Hey! Watch your @#%$ing mouth!

(Niente cuffs Zilch, then indicates the kids.)
Zilch: Ah, sorry.
Naught: Go for the eyes!
Jay: (from ring) Fine! Tell me where the goddamn eyes are!

(Cut to ring, where we see Jay has somehow grabbed hold of the catwalk above the ring and is holding on for dear life. The Web Creature is underneath him, jumping up and down, trying to chomp him.)

Web Creature: ROOOOAR!
Jay: Aw, shut up!
Web Creature: ROOOOAR!
Jay: (mutters) My, what big teeth you have.
Web Creature: ROOOOAR!
Jay: Is that all you ever say?
Web Creature: ROOOOAR!
Jay: Guess so.
Web Creature: ROOOOAR!

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Jan 2, 2000

(We come back to Jay vs. the Web Creature. Jay hangs from the catwalk over the ring while the Web Creature roars at him from below, in a frenzy.)
Web Creature: ROOOOAR!
Jay: Help!
Web Creature: ROOOOAR!
Jay: Somebody get me a tazer! Preferably one with a 10,000 volt charge!
Web Creature: ROOOOAR!
Jay: Eww...and a breath mint for the spore down there!
Web Creature: ROOO--(choke)(wheeze)
(Suddenly, the Web Creature spasms and keels over. It lies still. Referee Mills Lane approaches with caution as Jay watches with surprise.)
Mills Lane: Heart attack.
(Jay drops to the ring with shock.)
Mills Lane: (raising Jay's arm) And the winner is--Jay Winger!
(Applause and cheers.)

(The Web Creature is carted off and Naught enters the ring.)
Naught: Right! Let's go! Who's my opponent?
Johnny Gomez: In the red corner, hailing from the Resonate System, the Flip Side Felon, "Aztral" Naught Aught!
(Naught pumps his fist in the air, to the cheers of the crowd.)
Johnny Gomez: And in the blue corner, easily one of the most reviled and feared entities in the world, the Y2K Bug!
(A large, insect-like man clutching a staff reading 'Y2K' enters the ring. He's easily taller and stronger than Naught.)
Y2K Bug: Mwahaha!
Naught: Oh darn.
(The fight bell rings.)

From: "Sai Kennedy" <>
Date: Jan 2, 2000

      [The WeB ViRuS and Corel suddenly jump from their seats and run to the edge of the fighting circle.]
Corel: Go Y2K!! Kick Sprite BUTT!
WeB: Corel!
Corel: Sorry...
WeB: If you're going to cheer, do it the right way... *Steps closer to the edge of the circle* I put my units on the Bug! Maim this little wussy Sprite!
      [Naught glares at the two sadists]
Naught: Hey, can't ya just let me die in peace?
WeB: Get 'im, 2000!
Corel: Yeah! *claps with glee* Wait...aren't you a sort of Sprite too, WeB?
WeB: I'm an Anthro virus, dear. Kill the oposition!!
Corel: ?
      [Y2K grins evilly at Naught.]
Y2K: With pleasure. *spawns a tear and aims*
WeB: If I play my cards right, this little fiasco shall actually benefit my needs.
Corel: Huh? Play your cards right? Whacha mean?
WeB: Oh...nothing dear...

      [Suddenly the clock strikes 00:00:00. Year 2000 B pitches foreword right into the tear and is blasted to pieces.]
Corel: Wow... Pixelatious! *gets mildly glared at by WeB*
      [Naught is still staring in shock at his second brush with luck.]
WeB: *spirits drooping* At this rate they'll just GIVE him the spammed Death Match Victory belt...
      [Once again, and with apparent aggrivation at the weakness of these matches, Mills Lane approaches the center of the ring to pick up and examine Y2K's staff. Naught and the rest of those present look on with mild confusion upon their faces.]
Mills Lane: It appears the Y2K was not 2.5K compliant...
      [Naught takes a seat on the floor, breathing slowly, but Mills comes over and grabs his arm, raising him up again.]
Mills Lane: And the winner -for the second time- Naught!
      [Applause and cheers are heard, though far less enthusiastic than before...]
WeB: That *tears* it! *jumps into the ring*
Mills Lane: You're not exactly on the list of fighters, lady. You can't- *gets thrown out of the circle*
Naught: AH! Get it away! *Get It Away!!*
      [Before getting diced, Naught is teleported out of the ring...]
WeB: Hey! That's not fair! I wanted to battle the little wimpy sprite-runt!
      [...and is replaced by...]
WeB: Get him back here! I'd like to see him win a match against one of us.
WeB: O_O Uh...
Megabyte: Oh, this is a cruel joke if ever I did see one.
WeB: Oh, c'mon MB... You don't think I'm a fair match?
Megabyte: Well...truly, if I were to be dragged into a plot device...which I apparently have, I'd wish to fight against an opponent who would actually bother to fight back.
WeB: And?
Megabyte: Oh come now. You can't possibly be *that* basic. *turns to the refiree* This really isn't going to work.
      [Megabyte is teleported out...]
WeB: Hey! (Didn't even get to ask him how he'd survived all these centuries... Damn.)
      [WeB notices a figure on the side of the battle circle as MB's figure is replaced by...]
Cail: Trust don't want to know. *looks at her laptop*
WeB: *blinks* Oh dear...
WeB: Uh...
Daemon: So...we meet again. *grins pure evil*
WeB: Oh spam... *tries to leave the ring but gets blocked in, an invisible barrier present* HELP!
Mills Lane: Go to it!
      [The bell rings]
Daemon: I'll help you, dear. *begins to laugh low and sinisterly*
WeB: This place is a mad house I tell you! A maaad houuuuuse!!
      [Fireballs begin to fly and tears begin to form. All run screaming from the match. Only Daemon's vile laughter is heard from within, as the huge space goes up in cyberflames.]

Author: Did she survive? Did she not? Who cares? Daemon certainly doesn't.

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Jan 2, 2000

(After the dust settles from the Web-Daemon battle, the janitors sweep up the ashes and such. The spectators return. Everyone looks around.)
Zilch: Damn, they did some damage, hey?
Nada: To put it mildly.
Naught: At least I escaped with my life.
Lazarus: If you could call it that, you synthetic demon.
Jay: Hey! No sprite bashing, Lazzie. I can still write you out.
Lazarus: (meekly) I'll be good.

(Nathan Justice (of the "Justice Chronicles") climbs into the ring. The Bit hovers over his shoulder.)
Justice: You think we're gonna win, Bit?
Bit: (electronic voice) yEs
Justice: Well, let's just wait for our enemy to show up, eh?
Johnny Gomez: In the red corner, captain of the SS Grizzly, soldier for hire, Nathan Justice!
(Justice regards the cheering audience coolly.)
Justice: Do you think they care who wins, Bit?
Bit: nO
Johnny Gomez: In the blue corner, hailing from the Supercomputer, the legendary Prime Guardian, Turbo!
(Justice raises an eyebrow. Turbo looks him over.)
Turbo: Nathan Justice, Ah presume?
Justice: Yeah, that's right.
Turbo: Ah've been talkin' with Prime Jennings. Heard a lot about ya. It's an honor to finally meet ya.
Justice: (drawing pistol) Let's just do this. Beat it, Bit!
Bit: (sensing danger) yEs YeS yEs YeS!
(The Bit flies off as Justice and Turbo begin fighting.)

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Jan 10, 2000

Sil al'Nasen: So let me get this straight...we got a dog fight now?
Jay: Right.
Sil: So Sentry's gonna fight a dog from the other side.
Jay: Right.
Sil: What dog?
(Frisket jumps into the ring, barking. Sentry, Sil's big Irish wolfhound, starts growling.)
Jay: Sentry shouldn't have any trouble with Frisket.
Sil: (smirking) Right.

From: "Dark^ Knight" <>
Date: Jan 14, 2000

[D^Knight is still in the ring, attempting to hit Gigabyte.]
D^Knight: Take THIS!
D^Knight: Owowowowow! My hand!
[Gigabyte, meanwhile, is totally unscratched, and is looking at D^Knight with the sort of look one usually reserves for a hamster trying to be violent, and failing totally.]
Gigabyte: ...
[Gigabyte raises a hand, and prepares to drain D^Knight's energy. D^Knight looks at him with some apprehension.]
D^Knight: Bugger this for a lark. I'm outta here.
[He dashes to the side of the ring, climbs out, and runs out the exit.]
[Meanwhile, the rest of the characters D^Knight created are standing around, sighing resignedly.]
Kathy: At least he tried.
Kavi: Hmph.
[Nick, meanwhile, is considering something.]
Nick: Didn't he run out of the arena?
Ril: That's right. [She blinks.] Oh, my.
Nar: I think our dear author is going to be very, very lost.
Crysta: Bets on how long he remains lost?
Peter: Three weeks.
Kavi: Two months.
Peter: You're on.

From: "Voodoo" <>
Date: Jan 14, 2000

[Jeff Watchs as Dk Runs like hell out of the Ring]
Jeff: And i thought he had guts.
Ki'ace: We aren't all killer's like you Jeff
[Jeff,folding his arms narrows his eyes on her]
Jeff: point being?
[She sighs and shakes her head]
Ki'ace: nevermind... you wanna take this one?
{he shakes his head}
Jeff: No ammo...
Ki'ace: Whatt'a you mean no ammo.. you always got a clip or gun somewhere on ya!
Jeff: blame him! [points to Voodoo, his creater] he the one that sent me on the killing spree!
Voodoo: leave me out of this... worry more about the fact there are people watching
[the trip of Ki'ace, Jeff and Ki'eva look to alpha group and gigabyte]
Ki'ace: Sorry
[jeff thinks a moment]
Jeff: Hundred says that web virus read's this and decides to interject his words of wisdom
Ki'ace: Alright.. another hundred says that everyone skips this...
Jeff: your on

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Jan 18, 2000

(Nada stumbles as Naught pushes her into the ring.)

Nada: Hey!
Naught: Aw, lighten up, Nad'. I've been used as a punching bag once too often.
Nada: And whose fault is that?

(They both look at Jay, who whistles innocently.)

Nada: *sigh* Fine. Who's my opponent?
Herr Doktor: (cackles evilly) Throw ze svitch!
Frankenbinome: (laughs stupidly, then does so)

(A heavy-lifter mech, similar to the one that Dot used to clobber Megabyte once, drops. Herr Doktor climbs in.)

Nada: (turns to Naught) Why, you--
Naught: Duck.

(She does so, missing a swing by Herr Doktor)

Nada: When I get out of here, you are *SO* dead.
Jay: Got your affairs in order, Naught?
Naught: Jay, I ain't gonna be anywhere *NEAR* here once she's done.

From: "Dark^ Knight" <>
Date: Jan 19, 2000

Luka: So, the first match for our team. Who's up?
Jason: Not me.
Mae: Not me.
Chris: Not me.
Stella: Who're we fighting?
[A gaunt figure steps into the ring.]
Lens: Who shall be my challenger?
[Stella innocently trips Krissie, who is going past with a drink. In defiance of conventional physics, Krissie somehow lands into the ring.]
Lens: Let the match BEGIN!
[Krissie looks at Lens, then turns and glares at Stella.]
Krissie: If I get out of this alive, you're dead.
Stella: If.
Krissie: [turning back to Lens and sighing resignedly] If.
[Lens does a quick kata with his staff.]
Krissie: I suppose negotiation is out of the question?
[Lens charges.]
Krissie: I guess not.

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Jan 18, 2000

(Nada dodges Herr Doktor in the mecharmor while Naught watches gleefully from the stands, eating popcorn. Zilch looks at him with disgust.)

Zilch: And you call yourself an Aught. How can you take joy in this, hey?
Naught: [shrugs] I almost got the snot beat out of me by Y2K and then WeB Virus. I think I deserve a little entertainment.
Zilch: But she's our sister!
Naught: And your point is...?

(In the ring, Nada is grabbed around the ankle by the claws of the armor. She screams as Herr Doktor dangles her before him. The binome laughs insanely.)

Zilch: [chuckling] Although that is funny.
Naught: See?

(Nada, frustrated, punches one of the levers that Herr Doktor is holding. He screams in pain, causing the mech to drop her.)

Herr Doktor: Mein digits!

(Nada scrambles for safety.)

From: "Jay Winger" <>
Date: Feb 27, 2000

[When we last left Nada, she had just dealt Herr Doktor a wound to the hand. The evil binome is still inside the heavy-lifter mech, but it is out of control. Nada smirks to herself as she circles around behind the mech and climbs to the top of the mech. Herr Doktor looks up.]

Nada: B*tch-smack me with a mech, will you? [climbs down to hang before Herr Doktor, where she punches him rapidly]
Herr Doktor: Gaah! Zrow ze svitch!

[The Frankenbinome laughs stupidly and does so. A panel opens beneath Herr Doktor, allowing him to escape from inside the mech. Nada looks down, then climbs inside. She closes the panel and turns the mech around to face Herr Doktor, who quivers in fear.]

Herr Doktor: Oh-ho no!
Nada: Oh-ho yes!

[She winds up and smashes Herr Doktor out of the ring, and he crashes through the roof of the Deathmatch Arena. Referee Mills Lane watches him fly away, then grips the claw-hand of the mech and raises it slightly.]

Mills Lane: And the winner is -- NADA AUGHT!

[The audience cheers, and then Nada turns toward the spectators. Naught and Jay, the two who had forced her into the fight, start with alarm.]

Naught: Now what do we do?
Jay: Running would be a good idea.

[Nada steps out of the ring and clomps toward them.]

Both: Gaah! Run away! Run away!

[They flee in terror as Nada clomps after them.]
[Sometime later, Nada prances back into the arena, smiling, the mech gone. Jay and Naught, covered in bruises and bandages, limp in after her. Zilch shakes his head.]

Zilch: I told ya not to make fun of her, hey?

[Meanwhile, another match is getting ready in the ring. Arn "Nails" il'Crais looks around. He files his claws to a sharp point.]

Nails: C'mon! Where's my opponent?
Johnny Gomez: In the red corner, from the Great Codex System, Arn "Nails" il'Crais!

[Cheers, mixed with boos, from audience.]

Johnny Gomez: In the blue corner, one of the more fearsome incarnations of ReBoot, Hex-Web!

[Hexadecimal, in her black-clad merged-with-Web-Creature form, stomps into the ring. Nails' pupils get very small.]

Nails: [small voice] Mother...
Hex-Web: [hisses]

Onto Phase Two >

< Return to Main Page
< Return to Arena